


Of Wizards and Thieves

by pprfaith



Series: Wishlist 2012 [9]
Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Leverage
Genre: Ficlet, Gen, Prompt Fic, Shortie, crackish, dialogue only
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-13
Updated: 2013-04-13
Packaged: 2017-12-08 09:36:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 517
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/759866
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pprfaith/pseuds/pprfaith
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hardison needs help. Oz is just sort of... there.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Of Wizards and Thieves

**Author's Note:**

> **Prompt** : work34, Hardison can't hack, Oz, who is an old friend, helps out.  
>  **A/N:** I have no excuses for this, except sleep deprivation and a deadline.

+

“Everyone, this is Oz.”

“The wizard?”

“No, Parker, Oz isn’t the wizard. That’s a story, remember?”

“Then why is he called Oz?”

“His name’s Osbourne. Cool?”

“Shouldn’t he be Ozzy then?”

“Weeeeell, he is pretty good with a guitar...”

“Hardison. Get to the point.”

“Right. Oz, this is Eliot. He’s always grumpy, don’t take it personally.”

“Hardison!”

“Geez, slow your roll, Mr. Grumpy Pants. Oz is gonna do my job until my arm heals up.”

“Wouldn’t be broken in the first place if you’da done what I told ya.”

“Why isn’t he Ozzy?”

“Parker, he just isn’t, okay!”

“Is he mute?”

“Parker, don’t be rude.”

“But Sophie! He’s not talking. And he looks... a little dim.”

“Saying it behind your hand doesn’t make it any less loud.”

“But he does!”

“Not mute.”

“He speaks! Ozzy speaks!”

“Oz.”

“Alright then, _Oz_. Has Hardison told you what we do here?”

“Robin Hood. More money.”

“In a way, yes. Are you okay with that?”

“C’mon, Nate. Would I have brought him in if he weren’t cool?”

“I’d like to hear it from him.”

“’S fine.”

“Don’t talk much, do you?”

“No.”

“Alright then. We’ll...”

“Hold on, Nate. One more thing I wanna know.”

“... Go head Eliot.”

“You got it under control? Your... fur problem, I mean.”

“Dude, how did you...?!”

“Shut up, Hardison. It’s a very distinctive condition. So, do you?”

“Yeah.”

“Fur... is he, like, one of those fetish guys? Do you dress up as a bunny or something? Because... ewwwww.”

“PARKER!”

“...”

“Aw, girl, stop lookin’ at me like that. That was not appropriate, we have talked about this, oh god, please, stop the eyes! Eliot, please, gouge out my eyes, I cannot, she’s doing the thing with the... the pout, oh god!”

“Funny.”

“What... Oz! You’re supposed to be one my side, man!”

“Shut up! Your problem. Is it going to be a problem?”

“No.”

“Full moon jobs?”

“I never work on full moons. Too much light. Everyone can see you. It’s not very sneaky.”

“We know, Parker, you’ve told us.”

“It’s important, Sophie.”

“Thank you for the reminder.”

“You’re welcome. See, that was nice, wasn’t it?”

“Yes, Parker. That was nice.”

“No problem. Unless I get really angry.”

“Do you turn green and smash things? Hold on, does the Hulk have fur?”

“Who the hell let her watch cartoons again?”

“No, no green. Nice reference, though.”

“Thank you! He’s nice. We can keep him. Even if he has a fetish.”

“He does not...!”

“Shush, it’s not polite to about other people like they’re not there.”

“Parker....”

Nuh... Sophie said I have to practice tact and Nate nodded along, so I’m practicing. Shut the hell up and let me practice!”

“You did it the whole time! And that wasn’t polite, either!”

“SHUT UP!”

“Make me!”

“I will, Parker, god help me, I will!”

“No, you WON’T! You’re stupid, Eliot! And mean!!”

“Yes, I WILL!”

“... I feel like I should be apologizing for introducing you to these people.”

“’S cool.”

“No, I mean, look at them. It’s not like anyone here is in any way...”

“HARDISON, THAT’S NOT POLITE!”

+


End file.
